Look Ma! It’s a post!

I don’t know if it has been writer’s block or if I just haven’t felt the urge to write.  Whatever it is has impacted my blog updates.  At least I know I am not alone in not posting as much anymore.  The vast majority of my feed reader is empty.  Makes me sad.  Then I think about how I am not posting and how I might be making someone else sad.

Thus you get a post today!

Things have slowed down a lot in game for me.  I recently cut back on my raiding.  I used to raid 25s on Tuesday, 10 man ICC (hardcore group) with Lyssi on Wednesday, and 10 man ICC (regular group) on Tattia on Thursday.  Then on the weekends we would do ToC (usually 10 & 25), VoA, WG, hell even some OS and old world stuff.  Long story short, I was constantly busy doing some raid or another.  If I wasn’t raiding then I was running chain heroics on my druid with guildies.  Sort of paying back all the people who ran with me to get badges and gear on Lyssi.

I don’t know if I just got burned out or if I just got fed up.  Either way I flipped out and left in the middle of a raid (we were actually doing attempts on the LK).  Even when I was having a horrid time, hating every moment in the raid, I had never left in the middle of it.  In this particular instance I had no other option.  I could not physically play.  I decided that the best thing for me to do was to not run the 10 mans anymore.  The guild needed me for 25 mans (any warm body is needed it seems sometimes >.>) so I couldn’t bail on them for that.  The 10 mans though, there are plenty of dps and enough healers to where I didn’t feel guilty for not raiding.  Since they were quite successful without me, I didn’t feel like it was that big of a deal.

I found myself without a purpose when I wasn’t raiding.  There wasn’t really anything I had to do each night.  I would log in, do the fishing daily on Lyssi and the cooking daily on Tattia.  Maybe run a random on each of them if there was a guildie to run with.  Then just kind of camp books in Dal and chat with friends via whispers.  Guild chat seemed to have died, vent died, hell, most people just kind of stopped logging in.  Kind of made me wonder why I was even still logging in.

Last week changed things up a bit.  Again, I was not going to be raiding with the guild outside of Tuesday’s 25 man run.  My best friend Robert was coming into town on Friday and I had to clean my apartment.  Those that know me in RL know that I am a huge slob and my apartment is always a mess.  So I had a big mess to clean up since I was having company for the night.  Thursday rolls around and I was on the computer (not logged into WoW) checking out my FB stuff when I get a gchat ping from Tir saying that Arioch needed me for the 10 man that night.  That I could come dps and that it was a fresh run.  Would I please come online and join them.  Me being me, ever the procrastinator, I said sure and logged in to Lyssi.

The runs we had been doing in SR have slowly changed from a casual, yet serious, environment to “We vill keel dis boss dis vai and you vill du eet like dis” kind of thing to me.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  As it has been pointed out to me (over and over again mind you) specific encounters require a specific strategy to make them happen.  I am fine with that.  What I object to is the lack of fun in those situations.  Vent is usually silent.  No one talks AT ALL.  The tension is high and the moment something goes wrong the blame game starts.  Vs the way it was before where people spoke on vent to call out things during fights (on top of what the RL needed called out), for example, on VDW, the calling out of the different mobs so that people on opposite sides can switch as needed.  People used to joke in vent and in chat.  Our raids were always a blast and filled with raunchy jokes and oddball comments.  Suddenly the only thing you hear is strats over vent.  It made me dread logging in to raid.

I knew when I signed up to raid with SR I was joining a raiding guild.  I knew that it was not going to be like EoF and that I would have to step up my game.  What I didn’t expect was it to become more of a hardcore feel than it originally started out as.  I don’t know if that made sense or not.  When I joined, I viewed SR as a serious raiding guild.  Not a casual one, nor a hardcore one, but a serious one.  We weren’t pushing the progression envelope, but we weren’t still wiping on Marrowgar.  Suddenly we were pushing progression.  We stopped doing the weekly quest on Tuesday and instead focused on ICC 25.  A “hardcore” 10 man was formed that was going to extend the lockout until the LK was killed.  Raiding had always been “SRSZ BZNZ” before, but now it was big time serious business.  This is where I think I made the mistake in joining the hardcore team.

Shadow Rising has a ton of superior dps players.  These are the people who consistently shell out 8-14k dps on bosses.  Here I am on my little warlock putting out 6-7k.  I was ALWAYS the lowest dps in the hardcore team.  I know that there has to be someone who is the lowest, but it was always me.  Even the flex healers were putting out more than I was.  At the time I didn’t know what I was doing wrong or how to fix it.  It just kept building up until it came to a head in the middle of a LK fight and I left the raid.  I was about ready to quit playing for good at that point.

About 2 weeks or so ago I got in a 10 man ICC pug group.  I mentioned it on my blog.  I had recently fixed my spec and gear thanks to some help from Hex and his friend so I was eager to try it out and see what I could do.  For the first time since I had hit 80 on Lyssi I was topping the charts.  It is quite the ego booster to see that.  For once I was not in a raid with these people that could just pump out the dps like there is no tomorrow.  I know that it is a false sense of accomplishment, but it was enough to make me happy with myself.  I actually felt like I had brought something to the raid.  I didn’t ever feel that in the raids with SR.  I always felt like I was being dragged along and carried even though I knew I really wasn’t.  I think that there has to be some sort of sense of purpose given to raiders for them to fully feel a part of the team.  Up until that point I didn’t have it.

Fast forward to this last Thursday where I was asked to join the regular 10 man run.  I was unsure how my joining the raid would be taken.  I hadn’t felt any kind of animosity from other guildies.  In fact people were happy to see me there.  It was a very wonderful feeling.  There was a comfort in having Ari lead the raid too.  She hadn’t led a raid in several weeks so it was a pleasant change.  I also noticed that the people who usually were topping the charts with their uber dps were not in the raid, even on alts (except for Sorak).  Don’t get me wrong, the dpsers we had still rock the numbers (especially Kate) but it wasn’t going to be a repeat of the top 4 dps doing 10k and then me down at the bottom doing 5k.  Everyone was pretty evenly matched.

Want to know the best part of that raid?

It wasn’t my warlock topping the charts.

It wasn’t us one-shotting almost everything.

It was the dirty jokes, funny comments and relaxed atmosphere.

Vent had random music played in it.  Lorethos piped up with random zings.  I teased Slice and he got me back.  We made fun of Sorak getting wifed and then made sure that he knew the term was now called being “Sorak’d.”

We had fun.

We killed shit.  We got loot.

We had fun.

I hadn’t had that much fun raiding with SR in a long time.  It was refreshing.  I couldn’t wait to do it again.

I think most of the snags that had been holding up my return to raiding have been worked out.  I don’t know if I will ever join the hardcore team again though.  I don’t think I am cut out to do that.  While it will be a bummer to not be with the group pushing the envelope, I value having fun higher on the scale.

The best part of this for you?

I feel like writing again. 🙂